Are You Letting Self-Sabotage Interfere with Your Life?

Are You Letting Self-Sabotage Interfere with Your Life?



Episode Show Notes

Brief Summary

The crew dives into everything self-sabotage including, what does self-sabotage look like, where does it comes from, and what you can do to keep it from interfering with your life and ongoing goals. From an outside perspective, some self-sabotage behaviors can appear obvious and even intentional. The truth is, these behaviors and thought patterns can often be unintentional and rooted in underlying experiences or beliefs.

In this episode we talk about:

What is Self-Sabotage?

Self-Sabotage can sometimes be perceived as an intentional action, thought, or behavior, that results in a negative impact or impairment in your daily life or end goals. The truth, self-sabotage behaviors can actually be unintentional and are often learned behaviors or habits that an individual may or may not be aware of. There are several contributing factors to self-sabotage including, but not limited to, unmet emotional needs, negative self-beliefs or past experiences.

Examples of Self-Sabotage Behaviors

Self-sabotage behaviors are behaviors or thought patterns that consistently interfere with someone’s desire to reach ongoing goals, changes, or improvements in their life. Self-Sabotage behaviors can look like

  • Procrastination
  • Self-medicating through excessive use of alcohol, sex, substances, sugar, food, shopping or other immediately gratifying activities
  • Maintaining ongoing patterns of unhealthy relationships
  • Blaming others

“Self-sabotaging is meeting some unmet need or fear of ours. We need to understand the need we are meeting with our self-sabotage actions or behaviors before we can go about seeking to cease the behavior.” – Nikki Young, LMFT

“What addictive things in your life are coming back to bite you in the ass? Because it could be a form of self-sabotage that you may or may not be aware of.” – Alyssa Najera, LCSW

Common Thoughts or Negative Beliefs Behind Self-Sabotage Behavior

  • “You’re just going to leave me, too.”
  • “The people who are supposed to love me the most don’t care, why should you?”
  • “I am unwanted.”
  • “I am unheard.”
  • “I am broken.”
  • “What if I fail?”
  • “I’m not important.”
  • “I am not worthy of succeeding.”

How To Stop Self-Sabotage Behaviors

  1. Practice Self Awareness: Acknowledge and be accountable for your behaviors and be open to input from the ones that care about you most.
  1. Practice Self-reflection: Think about current or past goals and explore whether or not there’s a patterns and things that keep you from achieving these goals. Then, decide what you want to do about these patterns and behaviors.
  1. Seek advice or input form your friends and support network.
  1. Ask yourself who’s opinion you truly value and go to them for advice or guidance. Ask what they see or what they may be worried about. But, only do this if you’re ready to hear an honest answer.
  1. Find a therapist: Many self-sabotage behaviors are a result of unmet emotional needs or past experiences. If you’ve found that past attempts to stop this behavior haven’t worked, it may be time to find a therapist to help your work through whatever barrier are keeping you from reaching your goals.

Resources mentioned:

We’ve pulled together any resources mentioned in this episode and put together some links:

If you are resident of California, United States and are interested in therapy services from any one our co-hosts, see their bios below for more information on therapy services. If you are not a resident of California, please contact your primary care doctor for assistance in finding a therapist.

Thank you for allowing us into your lives and helping us make mental health more relatable and a part of your everyday conversation! For more information or to access all episodes visit

Who we are:

Nikki Young is co-host of Therapists Uncut and a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist. Nikki keeps it personable and professional. Yet, she always manages to keep the Therapists Uncut family and followers laughing. You may find her squirreling through topics, stories, or jokes, and all in good fun. Don’t worry because someone (usually Jolene) will bring her back around to the conversation. Nikki is a licensed marriage and family therapist in her private practice located in Modesto, CA, and she is also a Crisis Junkie at heart. In addition to being co-owner of a group private practice, she is also a crisis clinician responding to local mental health crisis and emergencies. Learn more about Nikki at

Alyssa Najera is co-host of Therapists Uncut and a Licensed Clinical Social Worker. Alyssa is typically calm and composed on most days, but often has difficulty containing her excitement about the little things in life. She can sometimes drift into daydreaming about the endless possibilities in life and usually the last one of the group to understand Nikki and Jolene’s punchlines.  She loves to laugh, spread positivity, and is often caught with a smile on her face. Alyssa is also a Child Welfare Services (CWS) social worker and supervisor alumni, previous child sexual abuse forensic interviewer, and owner and CEO of a group private practice in the small town of Oakdale, CA. Learn more about Alyssa at or

Jolene Daly is co-host of Therapists Uncut and a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist. Jolene is a seasoned therapist and private practice owner. She grew up in the Turlock, CA and Modesto, CA area most of her adult life and has been married to her comedian of a husband Jason for 20 years.  She is a genuine, authentic person with a bold personality. You’ll often catch Jolene challenging our listeners and her fellow co-hosts, as she is passionate about her personal and professional values and is vocal when it comes to speaking out for what’s right. Learn more about Jolene at


Thank you for joining Therapists Uncut, a production of AMP Smart Business. To learn more about Therapists Uncut and stay up on upcoming episodes, please subscribe and follow us on social media. As a reminder, although the Therapists Uncut co-hosts are licensed therapists, they are not your therapist. This podcast is not intended to substitute professional mental health counseling. If you need professional therapy, please contact your local provider or primary care provider.  Thanks for listening and we’ll see you on the next episode of Therapists Uncut!

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Therapists Uncut is a production of AMP Smart Business.

Voice Over by Alexia Gloria