It’s not uncommon to occasionally “vomit” our own bad mood onto others, but just how are you supposed to avoid this? Our moods are ever changing, but despite whatever mood we may be in we are in we are each responsible for how we choose to respond to our feelings. The T-Uncut co-hosts share their rules of engagement on how not to be an a**hole when dealing with a bad mood.
Learn tips on how to recognize patterns in what triggers you, how to be assertive without making a**hole moves, and how to be controlled when responding to the a**holes in your life.
Therapists Uncut Episode Summary
Maybe you just got bad news, walked away from a heated argument, spent 3 hours in traffic. Maybe it doesn’t even feel like there’s a rhyme or reason as to why your mood feels like crap, but when it does show up, how well are you handling it?
Nikki Young, Jolene Daly, and Alyssa Najera share their personal tips on how not be an asshole when you’re dealing with a bad mood.
“I have to acknowledge, at times, I am the asshole. . .” -Jolene Daly
Examples of Asshole Moves
- Getting crabby with a waitress or waiter in a restaurant.
- When something’s not going right and you attribute to the person in front of you (AKA taking it out on someone else).
- Letting personal stuff coming our at work with your co-worker or in your customer service.
Let’s be honest. Most of us probably fall into either the (1) I’m typically the asshole or (2) I’m typically the one dealing with assholes. Our moods are ever changing, but despite whatever mood we may be in, we are each responsible for how we choose to respond to our feelings.
How Not to be an Asshole 101
- Practice self-awareness and be aware of your triggers. What kind situations and/or personalities typically result in you feeling upset or annoyed?
- Notice what other important people in your life would say about how you control your emotions.
- Be open to listening to feedback and commit to improving bad habits.
“Today is about challenging yourself in noticing what patterns do you notice in what ticks you off and asking yourself how you usually respond to those patterns .. and if it’s something that works, Great! But if it’s something that’s not working and you’re kind of the asshole in the group, what do you want to do about it?” – Alyssa Najera
Consider how your behaviors and emotional responses are impacting those around you and especially those who are important to you.
“It’s okay to be angry. It’s Okay to be irritable. It’s okay to be off. It’s okay to have that mood . . . but let’s just look at how we handle ourselves.” – Nikki Young
8 Tips on How to Avoid Being an Asshole
- Remembering, “I have 100% control over my behaviors when someone else is communicating with me in a poor way. I don’t then in turn get to say, ‘well, I’m going to treat you look crap because you’re treating me like crap.’ ” – Jolene Daly
- You are the only one responsible for how you feel, choose how you’re going to respond.
- Don’t take other people’s behaviors personally.
- Remember to see the human being in front of you.
- When you mess up, be accountable for your behavior and APOLOGIZE.
- Take an adult time-out and communicate how long you need.
- Use a form of Non-Violent Communication to express your needs and feelings
- Step 1: State the observable fact.
- Step 2: How I feel.
- Step 3. What I need or reasonable request.
- If you have poor communication habits, break them and make a new habit by trying it “over and over and over again.”
Useful Links
Who we are:
Nikki Young is co-host of Therapists Uncut and a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist. Nikki keeps it personable. Nikki keeps it personable and professional. Yet, she always manages to keep the Therapists Uncut family and followers laughing. You may find her squirreling through topics, stories, or jokes, and all in good fun. Don’t worry because someone (usually Jolene) will bring her back around to the conversation. Nikki is a licensed marriage and family therapist in her private practice located in Modesto, CA, and she is also a Crisis Junkie at heart. In addition to being co-owner of a group private practice, she is also a crisis clinician responding to local mental health crisis and emergencies. Learn more about Nikki at catalystcounselinginc.com
Alyssa Najera is co-host of Therapists Uncut and a Licensed Clinical Social Worker. Alyssa is typically calm and composed on most days, but often has difficulty containing her excitement about the little things in life. She can sometimes drift into daydreaming about the endless possibilities in life and usually the last one of the group to understand Nikki and Jolene’s punchlines. She loves to laugh, spread positivity, and is often caught with a smile on her face. Alyssa is also a Child Welfare Services (CWS) social worker and supervisor alumni, previous child sexual abuse forensic interviewer, and owner and CEO of a group private practice in the small town of Oakdale, CA. Learn more about Alyssa at smalltowncounselingca.com or alyssanajera.com.
Jolene Daly is co-host of Therapists Uncut and a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist. Jolene is a seasoned therapist and private practice owner. She grew up in the Turlock, CA and Modesto, CA area most of her adult life and has been married to her comedian of a husband Jason for 20 years. She is a genuine, authentic person with a bold personality. You’ll often catch Jolene challenging our listeners and her fellow co-hosts, as she is passionate about her personal and professional values and is vocal when it comes to speaking out for what’s right. Learn more about Jolene at dalymft.com.
Disclaimer:
Thank you for joining Therapists Uncut, a production of AMP Smart Business. To learn more about Therapists Uncut and stay up on upcoming episodes, please subscribe and follow us on social media. As a reminder, although the Therapists Uncut co-hosts are licensed therapists, they are not your therapist. This podcast is not intended to substitute professional mental health counseling. If you need professional therapy, please contact your local provider or primary care provider. Thanks for listening and we’ll see you on the next episode of Therapists Uncut!
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Credits:
Therapists Uncut is a production of AMP Smart Business.
Voice Over by Alexia Gloria